What is PTSD Like?

As I write this, I am realizing that I don’t read much from others perspectives on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I know my triggers, and the things I can during an episode to ride the wave of emotion that overwhelms my nervous system. Which, is perhaps, and area to improve in. However, this poem was not written for that: it is rare for me to have a full on PTSD episode in public— nearly all occur within the first few moments of intimacy with a new partner. Which makes sense, my trauma directly affects my relationships. Making today’s episode in the gym all the more rare, because lifting to me is a zen allowing me to focus on the one or two things I want to. But today, the floodgates unleashed waves of emotion that barely gave me time to just get to my car and catch a breath. And since I write after the gym I decided to try and describe it in a poem, because after all that is what this website is for: to bring light to the things that live in the dark.

I Do Not Have a Title for This

Thy heart beats a little faster,

A flutter in midst the crowd.

Like noon tide,

None notice rising emotion.

Thy chest heaves as if crushed,

A labored breath mid-task.

Silent as a panther’s step,

The memory grows.

They mind racing with thought,

To avoid menace amongst strangers.

Anger lies ready to protect,

As a bear, her cub.

Thy fear the past,

A present threat:

Memory, striking as a cobra,

Sinking its fangs deep.

—— EJB